My daughter is 15 and working toward getting her driver’s license. One of the requirements is 50 hours of driving experience with a licensed driver. Her sister, now 17, had to complete the same number of hours. While there can be some nail-biting moments, like when they drive on the highway for the first time, I have come to count those hours as a gift. It is one-on-one, quality time that is sometimes hard to find. The conversations we have had are priceless. I miss those drives with my now 17-year-old who independently drives to school, work and to hang out with friends. They grow too fast. Maybe we should bump those hours up a little?! Just a thought! For now, I will cherish what remains of those 50 hours.
In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). I met a psychologist the other day. She was a middle-aged woman, married and with children of her own. She had only recently received her psychology degree. When asked her thoughts on someone’s mental state in terms of antidepressants, her view was eye-opening. In her professional opinion, the goal of an antidepressant is to have the client reach a consistent state of peace and happiness. They should live at an almost cloud-9-like place. Of course their would be moments of frustration or maybe sadness due to circumstances, but for the most part, a person should feel great 99% of the time. I am of course paraphrasing her words but that was the idea. If a client feels better with a small dosage and even better able to cope with things, but they are not yet fully happy and at peace, the dosage should go up. My spirit immediately felt uneasy. According to this philosophy, I think it would be fair to say that every person on this planet should be taking something. Please hear me, I am not saying there isn’t a place or a need for anti-depressants for some. Loved ones of my own have used anti-depressants for a time and they have been a useful tool. But the idea that you are not normal or stable because you do not live at a constant state of happiness, is frankly, ridiculous! Jesus faced trials and difficulty when on this earth. He says, “you WILL have trouble” and “WHEN you pass through the waters” and “WHEN you walk through the fire.” He does not say you MIGHT have trouble or IF you pass through the waters or IF you walk through the fire. We live in a fallen world, in fallen, broken bodies. There is definitely going to be tough stuff to walk through. There WILL be tears. And that’s OK. You aren’t crazy. Satan (that roaring lion on the prow, looking and searching for you) wants you to feel different, alone, weak, crazy, unstable and without peace. While we are here on this earth, we will struggle every day. No one is perfect on this side of heaven. However, there is hope. The full verse in John 16:33 is: “ I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” And in Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Jesus has conquered sin and this world and in Him, we can find peace. We are not alone. It doesn’t mean that we will not experience pain but when we struggle or hurt, He will be with us. It is evident that this world is searching, but it is searching for a paradise that we will only find in heaven with our Savior. You aren’t crazy for struggling and life will never be perfect here on earth. But He can carry you, give you hope, sustain you and give you a peace that transcends all understanding through it all.
This isn’t to shame anyone, but I want to ask why? I turn on the news or a show or a movie or see email signatures at the bottom of work emails or even take a stroll through Costco and I am bombarded. I cannot tell what is real and what is paid for. Hair extensions seem to be as common and natural as putting on shoes. Those pearly whites are a vibrant bleached white. Wrinkles, what wrinkles? Of course it all comes at a price, one that not all can afford. So I ask why? Why do we do this to ourselves? We are all human, there is not an immortal among us. We all age just the same, some faster or slower than others but we will all get there. I’m not an extremist yelling at the corner of the street, “thou shall not wear make up or nail polish or highlight your hair! “ It just seems to me that so much emhphasis is being placed on a perfect, ageless appearance that it is discouraging and exhausting for the average woman. I will admit, I have looked in the mirror often and wished for fuller, thicker hair or spotless teeth. I have searched the internet for the ever-promising yet unfulfilling shampoos and conditioners. And even if I have a good hair day and I feel healthy and strong, I see the weather woman on tv and the storm begins to wage within me all over again. Yes, it is my struggle with comparison that I must take to the Lord. But I know that I am not alone in that struggle. And I just can’t help but wonder, if we all would allow ourselves to age naturally, what would it be like? Yes, be healthy, eat your veggies, exercise, get plenty of sleep, use your moisturizer, take care of yourself! But what if our focus was on being healthy versus perfect? What if we all had that motive? I bet we would all look a lot more similar and it would be a little less exhausting. Just a thought. Again, I’m not shaming anyone for having hair extensions or for getting veneers. But don’t be discouraged if age has blessed you with less than perfect features. We are all aging, wether it is seen or hidden. Be healthy and maybe focus on that.
When my kids were little, we sang songs and read books about the different animals. In a group of children, you could ask “What sound does a lion make?” and all would simultaneously answer with a loud “ROAR!” When asked to draw a dog, the figure, no matter how artistic, would always end up with some version of a creature with four legs and a tail. My toddlers knew they were being silly when acting like a kitty and would laugh after meowing. There was no pondering, “I wonder if my child really is a cat?!” If there was such a wonderment by any parent, that person would be considered a lunatic! But today, basic science and biology can’t seem to define what a “female” or even a “person” is. It is one of the most simple and basic concepts of our world and yet, we struggle to understand. Our schools have litter boxes for kids who claim to be a cat and say “meow!” Boys can use the girls restroom because they simply just don’t want to be a boy today. Where has the logic gone? And we can’t blame this newer and younger generation because they all have parents. Why did the parents let what used to be toddler silliness become truth? Why would a parent let their child believe such an illogical lie? I have heard it explained as, “We don’t want them to be upset with us and push him/her away. If we accept them as they are and support them, they will keep talking with us and trust us.” Let’s take the first statement, “We don’t want them to be upset with us and push him/her away.” I think we can all agree that when a child is young and walks dangerously close to a hot stove or an open fire, we respond with authority and clarity that it is hot and dangerous and they are not to touch it. We say this because we love the child and don’t want them to get hurt. Will this inevitably frustrate that free-spirit toddler because of the limitation we are placing on them? Will they be frustrated or even upset with us for a moment because we yelled at them? Yes, of course. Does this mean that we shouldn’t say anything and accept them as they are; a living on the edge, with little knowledge and a wild spirit toddler? Absolutely not! We know the danger and we want to protect them. Will that toddler still choose to get too close one day and get burned? Possibly, but the likelihood is small given our clear, truth-driven response. Now let’s go to the second part of that statement, “If we accept them as they are and support them, they will keep talking with us and trust us.” This assumes that discipline and consequences give a sense of untrustworthiness. It is quite the opposite. As a parent, my child wants to trust that I am always going to protect them even if it is hard or unpopular and even if it ticks him/her off. It provides security and trust. There were times as a child, particularly as a teen, that I did not like my parents. I remember one time in particular, where my Mom refused to let me go to a friend’s house because her parents were not going to be around and her older sister would be in charge. I was so angry. But my mom could see that this particular older sister was not someone to be trusted and neither were her friends that would inevitably make their way over. She was protecting me and I was ticked off! As I look back, I am sooooo grateful my mom kept me from that house! We can’t forget what our role is as a parent. As difficult as it may be, our role is not to be their best friend, at least not while they are young. We are to teach them in the way they should go which WILL involve telling them “no”, giving them rules and disciplining when rules are not followed. We are to tell them the truth even when they don’t like it or it’s not cool or popular. It’s not easy. We have three teens in our home right now and I can tell you that there are days and moments when I am not their favorite person but that’s ok. I will not take rules away or diminish consequences or change my values or stop telling the truth no matter how they feel (side note-feelings are temporary anyway). I care deeply about their safety and about the kind of adults they become. Letting our children believe the lies our culture has conjured up will only hurt them in the end. And when it does, they will most certainly look at you and wonder why you didn’t protect them.
Have you ever disciplined a dog with a smack on the nose and a loud, stern voice? Their ears go back and down and their tail tucks under as they run to their kennel to be in solitary sadness. But within a few short minutes, that solitude is done and their tail wags again when you approach. They are so quick to forgive that you wonder if they even understood what happened. If you pull them back to the scene of the crime, you will realize by their reaction that it is perfectly clear what occurred. They didn’t forget but they forgave. No one likes talking about forgiveness, unless of course you are the one wanting to be forgiven. There actually seems to be a lot of misunderstanding around the topic. Forgiveness isn’t for the offender but the offended. Unforgiveness will cause us to sit in our anger until the long-term friend of bitterness comes to settle in. No one wants to be that bitter old woman. When we forgive someone it’s allowing yourself to release the anger. You are essentially saying, “I’m not going to let that person and their actions bother me anymore and I give them over to God.” If we are honest, God can deal with that person far better than you or I can. But let’s also be clear, just because you forgive someone does NOT mean that you knock all barriers down and trust them again. The relationship isn’t necessarily restored, that takes action on both sides. The offender has to repent, choose to change and show that change to earn the trust back. I have been told by people and even by some counselors to forgive and move on in the relationship. Forgive? Yes, of course. But move on and pretend like nothing ever happened? That is a resounding “NO.” Boundaries are absolutely important to protect yourself. Trust has to be earned back. I’m well aware of the verse in Matthew 18:21-22 where Jesus tells Peter to forgive 77 times. But lets not forget the countless verses in the bible where God tells us to repent and turn from our ways. And what about the verses in Ephesians that talk about the armor of God and in 1 Timothy where it says we do not have a spirit of fear but of power and strength. And the countless times He tells us that He cherishes and loves us. Look at God’s character and His instructions throughout the bible. He wants us to forgive and sometimes that means more than once but that doesn’t mean we are to lay down and succumb to being a doormat, what good would we be then? Forgiveness is for your own heart. Boundaries are good and important. Trust must be earned.
Now, back to my dog. Does he understand forgiveness and trust that I am only disciplining him out of love and for his own good? Definitely not….he is a golden doodle and while I love him, he is a big oaf and can be thrown into confusion easily with just a tiny rubber ball. However, I do admire how quick he is to forgive. I’m not saying we should always forgive within a few short minutes as he does but I could probably speed the process up a bit more at times. I often stew in my anger and quite honestly I just want to stay mad or I shamefully and passively, want to stick it to him/her. But does it really get me anywhere? No. There isn’t a magic number when it comes to how long we should wait to forgive. Every situation is different. Self reflect a little. Ask yourself why you are angry and unwilling to forgive. Don’t let the anger stay too long, bitterness does nothing to help those frown lines and who needs more wrinkles?!
I was blessed with wonderful grandparents. I was particularly close to my dad’s parents as they lived close and would often babysit me growing up. My grandpa was a 6 foot something giant or so it seemed to little my little girl self. He was mostly bald but with the little bit of hair that he had, I was allowed to style it with barrettes. Well, he may have been asleep in his chair while I did it but that’s besides the point! He and my grandma would sit and play Trouble with me for hours being careful to let me win since apparently I was kind of a sore loser! My grandma let me pretend to be a waitress all afternoon feeding her saltines and water that she was supposed to pretend was a steak or some fancy dish. The last Christmas I had with my grandpa, I got a talking barbie doll for one of my gifts. Each time he would doze off in his chair, I would stick that doll in his ear and push the button, “Let’s go to the Mall!” He would jump, eyes wide and then laugh. He passed away shortly after, I was only in the third grade. I wish I could have had more time with him but I am grateful for what time I had. My grandma remained on this earth with us until I was pregnant with my first daughter. I don’t think I ever realized just how important she was to me until after she passed. Sometimes it feels like every other story begins with, “My grandma…” As soon as my brothers or I had our driver’s permit, we would stick grandma in the car and drive around for hours. For some reason, though she didn’t drive anymore, her license was still active. This probably wasn’t always the best idea but she loved it because she could hang out with one of us! Every Christmas, her and I would make enough Christmas cookies to feed an army, then go look at Christmas lights in the nearby neighborhoods. When I went to college, I would talk to her on my drives back and forth; she was always so tickled that I could be calling from my car! She just always seemed to be there, ready to talk or listen. I loved her so much! I wish that my own kids could have met her, she would have adored them. But I am thankful for my own parents and the grandparents that they have become. They too are always there for my kids. My oldest and my dad have a special kind of bond. My mom, their nana, makes all of them laugh. They are a blessing. Grandparents are a blessing. God has given them such a special role in a child’s life, one that is so cool to see and is often overlooked.
I read books to my kids from the time they were tiny babies until my oldest was in middle school. I wish I would have continued a little longer but life kind of got in the way for a while. If I could give any piece of advice to a new parent it would be to read to your kids! Some of my sweetest memories revolved around a book and not just for me, my oldest daughter still talks about it. We read at night before bed, on road trips (obviously not while I was driving), when they were sick, and during COVID when we were all stuck at home together for days! I used silly voices and tried to make the stories come alive. It gave us time together but it also gave us something to talk about. I am typically a person who struggles to sit for any length of time; I’m always finding something to do. Reading gave me a reason to pause and just be with my kids. Intellectually, it was also great for their little minds and increased their vocabulary but the bonding time was invaluable. When they were babies and toddlers, I will admit that sometimes reading the same book over and over at their request could make you go a little crazy especially if the book only had 4 or 5 words on each page! But the precedent of reading time together was being set and as they got older, the books became more and more fun to read. A trip to the library was a part of our weekly routine. Maybe I am kind of old in my thinking but there is something special about holding a physical book and turning each page with your child. I miss those times now that they are older but I cherish the memories that we made. So grab a book or two or three and enjoy! Start as young as possible, even if there are only a few words on each page, it’s worth it.
Have you ever seen mosaic art that was created from broken glass? These shattered pieces that seem worthless and dirty are turned into something so beautiful. I like this analogy because shattered is how I have felt at times. The possibility of being whole or anything decent seemed impossible. And sometimes, have you ever noticed that the pottery or pieces of art that the broken glass originally came from weren’t really all that beautiful or anything great? But the mosaic that comes together from those pieces is almost breathtaking. It’s not over. You aren’t destroyed. Your story isn’t over. And what’s on the other side of these shattering moments can be something amazing if you let Him in.
I am intrigued by the movies and TV shows of the 1950s and 1960s. I love to watch The Honeymooners, I Love Lucy, Sound of Music, Marry Poppins, Dick Van Dyke, and recently, the Alfred Hitchcock TV series. It is good clean entertainment that highlights true creativity and writing talent without all of the language or filth that we see on TV today. But what I am most intrigued by is the way the people present themselves. Men are in suits unless they are lounging around the home in their nice slacks and casual sweaters or button-down shirts. Women are clothed in casual dresses while at home and a modest crisp dress, matching hat, and purse when out and about. Everyone seems to take the time to present themselves with respect. It’s fascinating to watch. And then there is our modern society where self-respect seems to be out the window as well as any respect for anyone else. While at the grocery store the other day, I noticed a woman in the produce section. She was talking on her phone loud enough for everyone to hear her business, it was hard not to notice her. When I heard her talking, my curiosity got the best of me and I looked up to find a woman in her late 50s, maybe early 60s with her cell phone tucked in the straps of her bra and tank top that was anything but modest and her phone set to speaker phone and the volume up as high as it would go! It took the “hands-free” concept to another level! I thought to myself, where has the self-respect gone? I’m not saying we need to wear suits and dresses with well-shined shoes and matching accessories, but can we present ourselves as if we care a little about who we are? It’s not about trying to impress anyone or obsessing about what others think but if we have any sense of self value, we should care a little. When someone dresses without modesty, behaves loudly, flaunting everything about themselves, it’s not because they are confident, it’s the exact opposite. They don’t value themselves and are seeking attention, any kind of attention. It’s really sad. I’m not a dress or high-heeled girl, but I do want to cover up and carry myself in a way that shows respect both for myself and others. It wouldn’t hurt to pause, take a step back, and learn a little from the past.
Almost every time it rains, I look for it. Those seven colors meld together so harmoniously, with a radiance that is hard to miss. The rainbow, a symbol, given to us by God, represents His promise never to destroy the earth again with a flood as He did in the days of Noah. I have told my kids the story so many times that if they are with me when we see one, they beat me to the punch! Today, the rainbow is often distorted and is proclaimed to be the symbol of things that are anything but godly. God’s rainbow always has and always will have 7 colors: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. It’s never changing just as He is. The 6 stripes of color (the number varies) on flags today is just that, some stripes of color that can always change at the whim of a single person; it’s value is fleeting. It breaks my heart to see something intended for such beauty, both to the eye and symbolically, be diminished and used for evil. But I urge you to remember the truth. It honestly means more to me than a single promise. It reminds me of all of his promises written throughout the pages of His Word. The one that I cling to the most is His promise to never leave me or forsake me. He is always there. And on those rainy, darker days, the clouds break, the sun shines through and there it is. There HE is. Hebrews 13:5b (a quotation from Deuteronomy 31:6), says “…God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” No matter what mountain you are facing or if you are in a place of celebration, God is there. There is nothing I have to handle or face alone. And even in the joyful times, I get to praise Him! One day last week, I was having one of those days that was just hard. Throughout the day, I prayed asking God to let me see His presence. That evening, we had a small rain storm that maybe lasted 10 minutes, and then, the sun came out as the last drops finished their course. I opened the window, looked up, and there it was shining brighter than I had seen it for a long time with another spread lightly above it. In the course of that evening, as the storm made its way through our small city, I saw 5 rainbows in all. I knew He heard and I knew He was there just as He promised.
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